No Pineapple Left Behind Review


No Pineapple Left Behind is a bizarre satirical title that's designed to emulate how modern school systems are run. It is of course immensely exaggerated and uses the odd reference to popular culture to describe things, but its closest likeness is that of Prison Architect. It's developed in the personal version of Unity by Subaltern Games, and focuses heavily on micromanagement, with very little in terms of macro management. In essence, this game is only going to appeal to a certain niche, particularly those invested in games like Prison Architect, but with a penchant for exceedingly dry and mocking humour (right up my alley). It is one of the oddest titles I've ever reviewed I must admit, but every time I try to describe the premise of the game, my audience ends up in tears of laughter for some bizarre reason. Essentially your goal is to turn children into pineapples and try not to bankrupt a school. Pineapples are just easier to manage, you know?


I'm not certain there's a nailed down storyline for this, but I like to think of myself as some sort of "fixer" for educational practices. I roam around, school to school, getting mass pineapple-to-child ratio, ensuring these non-profit areas become profitable, or simple don't go bust within seven days. I employ and fire teachers, librarians and principals at will, rarely paying them a fair wage (hell, I rarely pay them), and ensure that the complications of life, such as friends, teasing, relationships and personal opinions do not get in the way of the most important things in a child's life: grades. The solution? Chip away at their humanity with spell casting teachers, firing defriendship-izing lasers at them until they discombobulate into a living, breathing, and grade munching pineapple. The reality is schools are hard to run, and in the real world, entirely unfairly run (disclaimer: I've worked in education for the past eight years). This game outlines that quite firmly. Think a level is unfairly biased towards your failure? Welcome to school funding and management my friend.

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